I am in the bathroom stall at work. On top of the toilet paper dispenser there is a green plastic soldier who seems to be crawling toward me stealthily and painfully. With his belly flat on the ground and his assault rifle held aloft he can use only his feet and elbows to propel him forward. I don't know where the rest of the platoon is, but he seems determined to carry out the mission alone. I anticipate the toilet will be a US territory by dawn.