English Major Saves the Day

I often despair that I do so little writing as part of my job, so today was a refreshing change. A colleague came up and said "Um...Can I ask your opinion? A group of parents wants us to attach this little poem to some treats they are leaving for the seniors. I'm thinking no." She extended a piece of paper to me.

The poem:

Ho! Ho! Ho! It's so sweet to be free.
Start right now and...
EAT ME!


Yikes. You really can't give a poem that ends with all caps EAT ME to a bunch of high school seniors. Especially when you're planning to attach it to a chocolate Santa. Let's just leave Santa out of that sort of thing. Additionally, what does eating have to do with freedom? Not an enormous amount. Anyway, I have offered an alternative, equally bad, but less offensive version in which I have even allowed them to keep Santa's hearty greeting:

Ho! Ho! Ho! Vacation is great!
Start your holiday now with
This festive chocolate.

When dealing with teenagers it is less painful to be mocked for a near rhyme than for sexual innuendo. Really. I promise.