I just happened upon a listing for a class called "Yoga-slackers" and I got excited thinking that it was a yoga class designed for people who have no actual enthusiasm about yoga, which is exactly the kind of class I need. Sadly, it turns out to be a thing that combines yoga and slackline. I don't even know what that is. Is it that thing you cling to and kind of fly over a forest or river or something? Or is it the circus skill that is similar, but possibly more difficult, than tightrope?

I clicked the "more info" button and now understand even less.
By bringing balance onto a piece of webbing, slackline yoga develops focus, dynamic stillness, power, breath, core integration, flexibility, and confidence to create a suspended and elevated vinyasa. This introductory workshop gives students the tools they need to develop a slackline practice that includes four basic modalities: kneeling, standing, sitting, and arm balancing.
Are you kidding? Since when is exercise so complicated as to be incomprehensible? Also why are things pretending to be for slackers when they are secretly for some kind of bionic super-people who are bringing an extreme sports mentality to...yoga? I remember the giddy days of the mid-nineties when I still thought spinning meant turning around and around in a circle with your arms outstretched. I could not imagine why there needed to be classes for that.

Meanwhile, Facebook is plastering my wall with ads for the Land of Nod. Marketers of the world, hear me now: I have no children.

I mean, god. Everyone's always all "Buy tiny chairs!" "Develop your modalities on a piece of mesh!" It's like nobody even GETS me! Just leave me alone. I'm going to my room to listen to The Cure.
[storms off. slams door.]